My Personal Identity

One of the hardest things i have dealt with in this journey is my identity and the way I now fit into this world.

My aesthetic and identity have fluctuated throughout my life, we grow up and we change. But I’ve never gone through something like this.

I used to love to bleach and dye my hair, have edgy haircuts, wear heavier makeup, etc. Now, the thought of putting all of those chemicals on my skin is so off putting. I used to wash my hair way more often, use toxic products, and style my hair every day. It’s not that I don’t resonate with those things anymore, it’s that I know I’m better off without them. Part of me knows that in order to really heal on a mental level I have to learn to like the version of me that has been hiding under all of that for so long.

We live in a pool of toxicity in today’s world. Everything we touch exposes us to something. I know that if I want to give myself the best shot at a healthy life, I have to remove myself from as much of that as possible.

With that, I have to let go of a lot of things that I used to do in my everyday life. I didn’t realize how hard it would be.

There are some days I barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I feel like I’m floating in this transitional phase and I’m too far in to go back, but I’m not quite where I’m going yet. I primarily wear my hair in its naturally wavy state these days. I HATED my natural hair for the majority of my life. Some days it’s hard to see myself looking so natural. I know as time goes on, I will adjust and the image of who I am in my head will align.

There has been a progressive shift in my clothing choices and the way I present myself. For the first time in my life, I really don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks of my clothes or how I wear them. As long as I like it, is all that matters.

I am no longer plagued with the idea of fitting in or dressing the part anymore.

My makeup has become a lot lighter and more natural, Heavy foundation and eye liner no longer feel right. I have been experimenting with different natural products, I am struggling with acne and scarring, and I like to have some natural coverage. No product has really stuck out to me yet, but once I find one, I will share it here.

My Social Life

In today’s society, most social gatherings or meetings are based around food and alcohol, which means things I can’t partake in. Even before I started this diet it was challenging because of my food sensitivities, I couldn’t just eat whatever was being served at an event, I couldn’t just go out to eat anywhere. I had to be that one co-worker that has to request special food items at work functions.

Aside from the food and drinking aspect, people can struggle to understand what I’m doing or why, The government has been telling us that too much meat is bad, too much fat is bad, cholesterol is bad, etc. But yet I am finding all of these things to be incredibly healing. I try to keep in mind that people who have not experienced significant illness and have not been seriously let down by our medical system still believe their doctors. I used to be one of those people.

I could talk about this stuff for hours with someone who would be willing to have an open conversation about it, But I have yet come across anyone like that yet.

I am hoping to connect with some like-minded people in the future, but for now my partner will be stuck having to listen to me ramble 🙂